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PHILOSOPHY

WHATS WHYS AND HOWS OF REJECTION

WHY YOU GOT REJECTED. HOW TO USE THE PAIN.
HOW TO HANDLE REJECTION.

As social creatures, we relied on our sociability to survive. We are tribal animals. For millions of years, when we were still cavemen. We built communities and gave each person that belongs to that certain community a duty to conduct in order for the community to survive. Subsequently, when a member of a community is not capable of the tasks assigned to him or her. Rejection to be a part of the community will be their fate. 

And when you are not part of a group during these times, survival is bleak. 

That is why I believe that rejection is painful. Because for thousands of years our brains evolved to believe that rejection can lead to death. I am no scientist, so in general rejection is very painful. Whether it is rejection in terms of romantic love, joining a group, or in our careers.

But it is not the end. We must be aware that it is painful to be rejected but nevertheless, since we are in the modern times, even if that pain manifests itself in your physical self. It is going to be okay. Rejection is no longer death but pain in our mental, emotional that sometimes manifests itself in our physical state, if it is intense enough. 

I myself have experienced all sorts of rejections and also they have been traumatic that I haven’t been able to be my true self to the people who’ve rejected me. But as time passes by, it gets, better I have recovered and learned to transmute that energy into learning and growth. Ultimately, lead me to salvation.

When I say salvation, I meant being our best selves and being a person wiser than the day before.

HOW TO HANDLE REJECTION.

We must understand that everyone goes through this experience, that everyone will eventually need to take a dump. 

We must accept the fact that rejection is normal because it is the only way you can see yourself in a better light. Think of it as a way for you to examine yourself so you can lead yourself to your own truth and purpose.

In my experience, I was rejected due to these reasons. I hope you can learn from these:

1. I have not demonstrated my true self.

What I meant about this; is that during those times I have spent with someone whom I have been attracted to. All I did was to try and impress her to a point that I was so needy for her validation that I changed my demeanor, filtered my words, and did everything to win her “favor” which is only assumed, when she is around. I have not been honest with myself and to her as to what kind of person I am. This led to distrust and ultimately rejection.

But during the times when I engaged into relationships with people which I bore my soul to, the result was that they trusted me more. The cultivation of relationships I had with these people was so smooth and that they always returned my vulnerability by being vulnerable as well. That led to happy relationships, whether as friends or as lovers.

2. I have not been my best self.

I remember, back in the day when I used to hate myself. I had a lot of insecurities and fear that any people from a mile away could sense it. It was a horrible sight to see. There is this lingering fear that I am not good enough and that this fear resonated to the people I engaged with. 

People saw me the way I saw myself. So if you see yourself as someone who is unworthy. That is how they’ll feel about you as well. The way the internal is will resonate to the world. So be aware of your deepest opinions about yourself.

I did not take care of myself, my skin looked horrible, I never worked out and spent my days stuck in front of a computer inducing myself with dopamine through video games. In a nutshell, my lifestyle was leading to self-destruction.

This bad lifestyle had a terrible effect on my relationships. In short, I’ve been rejected a lot due to my bad lifestyle and also bad mindset. A lot of self-loathing, self-pity accompanied by bad habits that tolerated these internal thoughts about myself.

Sometimes, I wondered why I got rejected? Even when the answer was so simple. Because I wasn’t my best self.

There is still hope, here are questions I ask myself in order to motivate myself to commit to better habits and better mindset. It’s some sort of a mantra, that I repeat to myself during meditative moments in order to find a path to my best self.

What if I worked out more?
What if I read better books?
What if I ate better food and took care of myself more?
What if I did not project my need of happiness to the person I care about but instead be filled first with gratitude and happiness from within before engaging into relationships?
What if I see myself as a person worthy of happiness?
Who am I?

Everyone Gets Rejected. Even rock stars.

But even the best people at their best get rejected. It’s a fact of life and life is about adapting and making these little adjustments to better ourselves. Rejection is just a tool to guide us through this path of growth.

To those who are willing to make the sacrifice to be their best selves and willing to accept the fact that rejection is normal. Whether you are a rock star or the average Joe. And use this pain for personal growth. To all of you I would like to say, “Life is going to be better”. That is my theory Cheers.

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