In a month and a half, I’ll be 28… Sounds surreal tho, I have been to many places. Experienced a lot of stuff and I believe one of the significant experiences I had the pleasure of facing is loneliness.
We may believe that the pandemic is over but a new one had just arise, and that is the loneliness pandemic. After Covid, we may have been more inclined to stay inside, it is as if the pandemic conditioned us to do so.
During the pandemic I can not go outside and so I did my best to make my home as comfortable as possible and since the borders have opened up. I somehow prefer my home than going outside. I mean I still go outside but, I spend more time inside now compared before Covid hit.
Anyway, I am in the same situation but before I have been living with friends and so it felt like everyday is a party. Now, I live alone and loneliness hit harder than ever before. Sure I can distract myself for a while with a TV show or music but loneliness creeps in whenever distractions are no longer around.
But I believe it is a necessary way feeling. I now have a clearer understanding of my need with companionship. I can somehow relate to other people who is in the same situation as me. And can understand how loneliness can push you to do things that you never thought of ever doing.
Thankfully, I still have time to be with my parents, friends and acquaintances here and there. But what if I am completely alone and do not have even a shred of true companionship towards another human being, then I might be pushed to the edge and act on relieving that loneliness with things I do not even want to do in the first place.
So here is a reminder to myself that I should go out more, see more and appreciate the sun in my face more.
Anyway, I am turning 28 and I have found a new outlook about companionship, friendship and whatnot because of loneliness.
Additional skills
So living alone had gained me new skills. Like being comfortable about the fact that I am alone…
Not only that but I have learned to enjoy my own company whether its just watching TV, cleaning the house, reading and writing on this here blog.
Also, I have learned to figure out who I can be truly friends with. Being alone has given me that quiet time, to actually look back and reflect who were the people who were honest with me and those who have reciprocated my honesty to them.
In this life, I admit, I have not been perfect. I have lied for the sake of validation and I am doing my entire best to be truthful even if it puts me in a vicarious spot. Cause being lonely as I am today, I have realized that lies can shatter friendships that intend to keep whole. So I try my best to be honest.
Being lonely does not only mean being alone but rather being with people who do not brings out the best in you or the good in you. But rather their company only brings you down, amplifying the loneliness that is currently there.
So I learned to avoid these people.
People who can only talk in criticism.
I do love being criticized, I accept it especially when it is done the right way and the intentions are for the good of the person being criticized.
However, there will be people in our life that will stomp on our ideas instead of building on it. There will be people who only knows how to limit your beliefs about yourself by sending criticism on your way. It is best to ignore them.
Believe me when you cut off these kind of people in your life, you will realize your true potential. You’ll feel a lot lighter and that you feel like you can achieve new heights. That’s what happened to me and I have made new friends, new connections that matter, helped a lot of people and achieved things I never thought I could.
People who never gives you credit.
There will be people who will never give you any credit. For some it could be there friends and some are more unfortunate cause it could be their love ones. Like a mother or a father.
More often than not, it is hard to avoid these people because our lives may have been already entangled with their lives deeply. You may not be able to entirely cut ourselves from their life but we can minimize and avoid the triggers that urge them to underplay your achievements.
One way I avoid giving these people the satisfaction of under-appreciating my achievements is to just not talk about them entirely and if they still manage to find a hole in your armor then just let them say what they say but never get affected by it.
Here is an example, I’ve been with a phone call with a friend. We were talking about some mundane event in our lives and suddenly she mentions that I somehow changed and that she can talk to me so easily compared before. (That is justified cause before I was a pompous asshole)
Anyway, I mentioned that I have been seeing a therapist for more than a month now and I have been soul searching, spending time alone in the woods and whatnot. And she said that I have a great therapist, that she formed me into what I am now. She kept repeating how great my therapist is and how therapy is a great thing and that thankfully my therapist found me (ridiculous) so that I’ll be able to change.
Well, I appreciated the backhanded compliment and just agreed.
But here is the kicker, compared to another friend, he said I changed thanks to my therapist but also because I wanted to change thats why therapy worked.
There’s a difference. But anyway just ignore these people, they’ll always find ways to let you down. So do not give them the power.
These type of people always see themselves higher than you, instead of being equal. They can never accept the fact that you are improving and that they will use their fake politeness to insult you. They’ll always find a way to redirect the credit to some other thing no matter how ridiculous it sounds to something else other than you. Again, do not give them the power to do so.
In summary…
Being with the wrong people will make you lonely, you could be in a room full of amazing people but if they are the wrong ones you’ll be lonely… no matter how cliche that sounds.
Loneliness is a tool so use it to appreciate the company you already have and cut the ones that damages instead of build you.
Go out there and feel the sun in your face, be with nature as much as possible.
P.S. Stay out of social media as much as possible. That will make you lonely without even realizing it.
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